apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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