sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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