So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
