I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
