I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
