Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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