a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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