Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
