Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
