I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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