Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
