someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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