no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
