i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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