hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
A bitchslap is in order.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
