we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
