I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
