my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
