hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There's even glitter on my cock...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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