i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
