Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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