from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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