im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
