im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
