***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
handjob tips. give me some.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
