OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
