Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
