my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
