Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
