I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
