Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
