i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
