I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
