if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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