I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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