so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Your dad touched me again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
