We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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