i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
