I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
