question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
