you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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