you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
