im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you win again, gameday.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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