biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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