Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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