apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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