don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
