as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
