Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
