Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
