Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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