Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
