Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
