it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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