maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
