I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
